Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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