So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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