Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
