you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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