I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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