Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
