ya dads aren't the best wingmen
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
