We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
