I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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