do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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