Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
