Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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