that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
