Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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