He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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