he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
