anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
