When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
