It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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