I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
