the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
