either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
