we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
