At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
