i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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