physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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