Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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