you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
