Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
