If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
