This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
