Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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