Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
