whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Randomize
