Define "chronic" masturbator.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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