we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
