Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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