You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
