Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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