Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
