and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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