I just threw up on my dentist
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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