Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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