My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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