After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
