There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She's the barista slut.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
