No stitches, just platelets and will power
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
