Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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