I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
