Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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