You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
not ubering you a puppy
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
