i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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