Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
