anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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