Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
