Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
