I feel like abortions should bother me more
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
