so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
